Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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