Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize