Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize