I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize