One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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