Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize