You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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