I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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