As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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