Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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