I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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