Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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