I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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