so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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