i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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