every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize