God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize