How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My pussy is not your playground.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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