I wanna bring you to show and tell
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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