It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize