I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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