Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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