Don't you send me to vm
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize