Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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