i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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