Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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