I want to stick my p in your. b.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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