forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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