my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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