What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize