I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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