there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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