dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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