Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize