hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
