I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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