I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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