when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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