I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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