I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize