NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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