remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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