I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize