i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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