You just made me feel so damn special
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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