Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize