Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You have to summon your inner elephant
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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