It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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