How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize