but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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