Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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