The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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