The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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